The Toryban?

We all have pet names for one another. The Conservatives have one for us: Libranoes, which has, unfortunately, been partly earned. It's also not bad, about a six on the clever-insult scale of 10. So I think that, while we wait for a new hero to emerge and lead us out of the political wilderness, we should be inventing our own pet names for our dear Conservative brothers and sisters.

For example, one of the frankly bizarre results of the Harper election has been the resurrection of Brian Mulroney from the political dead. He seems to be everywhere, lurking in the shadows behind this new government and leaving his oily imprint on aspects of our poor country's trade and foreign affairs policy. Hence the name "Harponey" has been coined, to metaphorically indicate that this new, fresh faced Calgary economist who seems to lead the government is in fact possessed by the ghost of scuzzy Tory politicians past.

I can't really top "Harponey", although as an alternative I might suggest "RoboCon", which accentuates Stephen Harper's inability to project normal human emotions, and the way in which he mechanically emits Tory talking points when questioned by the Press.

But what about a name for the whole gang?

Well, another bizarre fact about this new Conservative government is how, with the slimmest of minorities in the House, they have so thoroughly pandered to the primitive, rednecked Yobos at the very base of the party. For example, they are looking at ways of ditching the gun registry; they've clamped down on government scientists speaking out on Global Warming; their daycare program seems to have been designed by R.E.A.L. Women; and the second half of it, the actual creation of daycare spaces, is starting to look more than a little faith-based; they seem even to have exerted subtle pressure on the promoters of Darwinism.

So my suggestion is, based on this: we should start calling them The Toryban!

Now, I want everyone to know that I have the copyright on this name, and if takes off the way I think it will, you'll have to send me a nickel every time you say it. Same with Robocon.

In any case, if you have any alternative names to put forward. Please feel free.