Raising the Age of Consent: Can You Still Nail Your French Teacher?

I wasn't going to write about the new Tory sexual consent bill because it's such small-bore stuff, the kind of legislation you pass when you can't pass anything more important, just so you can say you've got something done. But then it occurred to me that, had such a law been in effect in the late 1970s, it might have done immense damage to the sexual maturation process in many of the lads I attended high-school with back on the old Left Coast.

Specifically, the new act states that:

The bill includes a so-called near-age exemption of five years, which means that a 14-year-old could still have a sexual partner aged up to 19, and a 15-year-old could have a partner up to 20 years old.

The aim is to avoid criminalizing sexual experimentation by teens with their peers, but provide a way to prosecute older adults who target youngsters.

Now, back at my old school, Spencer Jr. High, we had a French teacher called Louise LeClaire (pictured above), or Ms. LeClaire when she was in class. The boys had any number of nick-names for her, of which the most polite was probably "torpedo tits". The name was accurate, too, for Ms. LeClaire's chest was truly Epic. When she was teaching the grade 10 girl's gym class (her other specialty was P.E.) at the same time as the boys were out, no rugby got played, and no other useful training got done. Fifty boys would just gawk in awe as she led her students through their stretching exercises, and those girls knew that nobody was staring at what they were packing.

I don't know how old Ms. LeClaire was. She taught at Spencer Junior for all three years that I attended, and some people from Dunsmuir Senior remembered her later on when I moved there, so she was definitely more than 20 years old.

And there were a number of rumors concerning Ms. LeClaire (which I could never confirm, but have no reason to disbelieve). One was that, if you were a special favorite, she would make you stay late after French class. She would take you behind her teacher's desk, go down on her knees, and let the straps of her dress slide from her shoulders. Then she would take your thing from your pants and tit-fuck you until you passed out.

Another rumor was that she would hide in the boy's locker-room after hours, and catch the last boy coming in from track practice. They'd find her in the showers wearing nothing but a beret. She'd make them soap her down, then kneel on the tiles and grit her teeth heroically as the chosen boy drilled her up the ass. Needless to say, I spent many evenings hanging around the locker-room in my track gear, as though I had recently been engaged in some kind of physical activity. However, I never encountered Ms. Leclaire, though the basketball team caught me one afternoon as they came off the court and I passed a whole night stuffed in a locker.

As I say, I have no reason to disbelieve the stories I've heard, but the point is, even if it didn't happen, it would have been great if it had. I can't see any fifteen year old boy that would want to criminalize such behavior, nor any sane adult. In fact, teenage boys dream about this kind of thing every day of every school year all over the U.S. and Canada. You might even argue that such an encounter would have been a terrific foundation stone upon which a teen could build a healthy sexual self-image.
But the Conservatives don't understand this, because they hate and fear Sex. And they hate and fear Sex because, I would suggest, they don't get any sex. I mean, we all know about Bubba down there in The WhiteHouse, and we know that Trudeau was still swinging like a master into his 70s. But Conservative politicians just don't cut it. If you look at Joe Clark, or Stephen Harper or Justice Minister Vic Toews (pictured above left with boy-toy in full S&M regalia), it is hard to imagine how they could possibly get it up without using crutches and spray-starch.

In any case, this is BigCityLib signing off from BigCityLib Strikes Back, the only blog where you can get boobies with your political analysis.