I mean, seriously, they look like rogue French Watercolorists. When a real gang-banger sees one of them, d'you think he's going to run or piss himself laughing?
And consider this: what kind of person dresses up like a dweeb and wanders around looking to fight crime? Well, BatMan did! Or rather, the guy that put on a batman outfit and ran around Hyde Park every night did, until the cops came and gang-tackled him by the water fountain! But you put a bunch of these people in a room together, issue funny hats, and presto! you've got a Conservative Movement!
The Guardian Angels are just going to get themselves hurt, probably by walking into light-poles while admiring their costumes in shop-windows. Eventually, in the absence of crimes to fight, they'll start committing crimes of their own out of boredom. That's what happened last time they came to town.
Mayor Miller and Chief Blair are absolutely right about these vigilantes: twice we've seen what trouble they can get up to (1982-84, and then briefly in 1992-93). We don't need a third demonstration.
City goes after the wrong gang
ReplyDeleteWith all the crime in this town, the big issue our politicians take a stand on is the Guardian Angels?
By Lorrie Goldstein
We whisk you now to a top-secret meeting being held in a secure underground bunker at Toronto City Hall.
There, the best bureaucratic minds in the offices of Mayor David Miller and Police Chief Bill Blair are developing a 632-point action plan to protect Toronto streets from a deadly new menace. Let's listen in, shall we?
"Good morning everyone and thanks for getting here on time. As you all know, we're here to prevent our city being taken over by a terrifying new street gang trying to establish itself in Toronto. Any questions before we begin?"
"Yeah, boss, which gang are we talking about -- the Bloods, the Crips, the Galloway Boys, the Malvern Crew?"
"Uh ... no. The Guardian Angels."
"The Guardian Angels? Boss, I don't think they're a street gang."
"What do you mean they're not a street gang? They walk around on the streets, right? In groups, like a gang, right? They target certain neighbourhoods, right? They wear colours -- you know those funny little red hats, right? They have chapters all over the U.S., right? The mayor and the police chief don't want them here, right? I mean, if that's not a street gang I don't know what is. C'mon, people work with me here."
"Boss, I think you're a bit confused. The Guardian Angels say they want to help fight the gangs by patrolling the streets and looking out for their neighbours. I mean, maybe it won't do much good, but what's the harm in letting them try? They just seem like ordinary people who want to help. And what's the big deal about letting the police know if they see something suspicious? Isn't that what we always tell people to do anyway?"
"Good gawd, man, give your head a shake! We can't have ordinary people walking around our streets being nice to their neighbours and reporting anything suspicious to the police. Where would it end? What's next, helping little old ladies cross the street? Asking someone lying bleeding on the ground whether they need any help, instead of doing the responsible thing and ignoring them? There'd be chaos, man, chaos, the total collapse of the social order! Besides, our bosses say the guy who started this thing -- this Curtis Sliwa from New York -- is a big publicity hound."
"Boss, it's not a crime to be a publicity hound in Toronto. If it was, David Miller would be under house arrest, Howard Moscoe would be in Kingston Pen and Mel Lastman would have been declared a dangerous offender years ago."
"Okay, fair point. My bad. But c'mon, folks, we have a job to do here so let's do it. Any ideas for how we can fight these Guardian Angels?"
Helping seniors?
"Hey, I've got one. Apparently the Angels have been invited by the residents of a senior citizens' home owned by the city to come and talk to them because they're worried about all the crime in their neighbourhood. What if somebody met them at the door and refused to let them in?"
"Good grief, man, we have to do better than that! That would look petty and stupid. Like, here we are in the middle of another summer where criminals are using our streets for target practice -- when they aren't stabbing people -- and all we care about is hassling the Guardian Angels about visiting a seniors' home? People would say 'with all the crime in this town, that's the big issue City Hall finally takes a stand on, getting rid of the Guardian Angels? What kind of idiots are running this place?'"
"Can't argue with that, boss."
"Okay, look, maybe I haven't explained the concept of what we're trying to accomplish here very well. So before we proceed, do you have any more questions?"
"Yeah, boss, how come we're so determined to keep the Guardian Angels off the streets? I mean, we never do anything about the squeegee kids and the panhandlers."
"Next question."
lorrie.goldstein@tor.sunpub.com
Except that, as I noted in the post, they tend to start creating crime where they can't find any to fight.
ReplyDeleteThe notion of a "good gang" that you see in Lorrie's article is ridiculous. Thinking that having "good" gangs around to fight the "bag" gangs is typical Conservative hysteria.
Are you people afraid all the time?
They'd be alright if it wasn't for those Value Village jackets...
ReplyDelete