Bow-Legged, Black, And Outta Control

A fascinating piece in Salon on Same Sex Marriage in the world of multi-player on-line gaming. It ranges widely, but focuses on the social strictures that will apply to the upcoming Lord of The Rings Online role-playing game. The bottom line is:

"The rule that we tried to follow across the board was: if there's an example of it in the book, the door is open to explore it," Nik says. "Very rarely will you see an elf and a human hook up, but it does happen; the door is open. Dwarves don't intermarry with hobbits; that door is shut ... Did two male hobbits ever hook up in the shire and have little hobbit civil unions? No. The door is shut."

More than that, Nik says, it seemed as if same-sex marriage would simply not have fit with Tolkien's vision for the worlds he created.

"Tolkien was a conservative Catholic," Nik says. "He went out drinking with C.S. Lewis every night, and the two of them had a worldview that was -- well, let's just say it clashes a little bit with the sensibilities of East Coast liberals..."

No black squirrels allowed either, apparently, as Tolkien hated black squirrels.

Beyond the LOTH content, the article is a fascinating piece of sociology. For example, there are a number of role-playing games out there that do allow for SSM, like The Sims. Many players who oppose SSM in the real world are happy to tolerate it on-line; some same sex partners on-line are in fact of different genders in real life. And so on.

As for the dilemma posed by Lord of The Rings, I would suggest the following compromise. Why not let the characters aligned with Sauron participate in SSM, as they are already EVIL? For example, why not let the Orcs, those swarthy, bow-legged mainstays of LOTH villainy, engage in SSM. This would be particularly appropriate for Orcs because, according to the Jackson film version of Tolkien's trilogy, they do not breed via sexual intercourse but seem to be grown in goopy pods a la the aliens in Alien. Thus any Orc on Orc sex, whatever the genders involved, is not engaged in for the purpose of procreation. Thus its already in violation of the relevant biblical injunctions.

Yes, one might argue, but why should potential gamers have to choose the side of EVIL to get SMMarried in LOTH online? Well, consider that there are absolutely zero expressions of human sexuality in LOTH outside of Grima Wormtongue's clumsy lusting after Eowyn. Under any strict interpretation of Tolkien's vision, then, its only the bad guys that get to have any fun anyway!

Marry me, Frodo!