One radio station asked its listeners to vote for the most suspicious children's show. Some e-mailed in, saying that Winnie the Pooh had only male friends.
Listen to this statement from a tearful Popeye, who for years nursed a dangerous secret:
Popeye the Sailor Man, the animated embodiment of testosterone, lived in terror of being outed, as it would have ended his lucrative career. "Bluto threatened me with that a couple of times," he confesses. "
Other characters who might soon be hearing the knock of the Polish Inquisition include:
Bugs Bunny:
Evidence: Often stands with hand on hip. Plays a hairdresser in one episode. Frequently dresses in drag. Loves to throw on a top hat and tails and belt out Broadway show-tunes with his buddy Daffy -- who, it's worth noting, has a lisp.
Batman and Robin
Evidence: Robin's nickname: Boy Wonder. Batman's real name: Bruce. Both wear tights. They're in great shape. They like to show each other their "grappling hooks."
Waylon Smithers
Ha
s repeatedly declared his love for Mr. Burns.Ernie and Bert
Falwell was on to these two years ago.
Homogitator?
First they came for Bert and Ernie and I did not speak up because I was not a muppet... and so I said nothing.
ReplyDeleteThen they came for Barney The Dinosaur and I did not speak up because I was not a happy go lucky, carefree overweight purple reptilian children's show representation of an extinct dinosaur... and so I said nothing.
Then they came for Tinky Winky and I did not speak up because I was not a completely made-up, imaginary, stitched up piece of colourful cloth and stuffing... and so I said nothing.
Then they came...
For more of this harrowing tale, please read this chilling story.
Ah, the fabulous world of religious wingnuttery... it never fails to amaze and/or amuse.
ReplyDeleteShut up, Po.
ReplyDelete