John McCain Bets On Wife's Boobs!

ABC News' Gregory Wallace and Sara Just Report: Sen. John McCain, R-Az., perhaps unknowingly, volunteered his wife for a beauty pageant on Monday that often features contestants topless -- and, occasionally, without any decency -- at the Sturgis, South Dakota, motorcycle rally.

"I was looking at the Sturgis schedule, and noticed that you had a beauty pageant, so I encouraged Cindy to compete," McCain told an audience at the rally. "I told her [that] with a little luck, she could be the only woman to serve as both the First Lady and Miss Buffalo Chip."


Yes, but what if she loses? Vice Presidents and other members of an administration have to pass certain tests. Why not First Ladies?

With that consideration in mind, lets look at a few of the alternatives to Cindy McCain that the Miss Buffalo Chip beauty contest might throw forward.

This one can ride a mechanical bull. She's clearly tough enough to occupy the office just outside the Oval Office:



My personal favorite First Lady (were my sweet wife to, like, plotz it or something):


And runner-up:


And, speaking of Vice Presidents, here's a solid pick for the VP slot on McCain's ticket. You can bet the Iranians won't fuck with this guy.And, of course, whenever you see this kind of effervescing of the American Spirit, there's usually a Canadian or two involved:

But you know what? It's starting to work for me. The primitive, working class male inside is beginning to stir. If the Senate and House are going to remain lopsidedly Dem anyway, why not vote for the paleface geezer that's willing to show his wife's chest off to bikers over the lefty, femmy, "bring me my mirror" college boy? Quick! What were the selling points on Black Jesus supposed to be again, other than that he shines gloriously in the light of his own aura? Tell me before I go recidivist, like they do down in the American Heartland.