Breaking Bourque! MacKay Tossed From Helicopter! Paradis meets Paradise! Toews phased out! Fantino Basically Fucked! Bernier Back In, Cleared To Date Bikers!

BREAKING: Bourque insiders are reporting late this afternoon that Prime Minister Stephen Harper may soon shuffle his Cabinet. It remains unclear at this time if the move will be a major re-jig involving several known political figures or if it will be a more modest housecleaning to address certain deficiencies. Cabinet ministers said to be targeted include embattled Defense Minister Peter MacKay and his sidekick Associate-Defence Minister Julian Fantino, hapless ethics-challenged Industry Minister Christian Paradis, and the aging Public Safety Minister Vic Toews, currently suffering from a stressful portfolio that sent him to hospital earlier this week. MacKay may well be on his way out of Cabinet, Fantino may be going to Public Safety, Toews may defibrillate at Industry, and Paradis may be demoted to a 'Minister-without-portfolio' status for the time being. Should the shuffle be of a larger nature, names being whispered for promotion and re-jig include the rehabilitated Maxime Bernier (currently Minister of State for Small Business), the PM's Parliamentary Secretary Dean Del Mastro (said to have impressed many both in the House and in media settings), and affable journeyman Fisheries Minister Keith Ashfield, of all people. It is thought that the blood-letting will both address growing Conservative caucus discontent at its frontbench performance, while mitigating Opposition outrage at Ministerial actions (or lack thereof), which have dominated headlines in recent weeks. The Prime Minister is also poised to fill a handful of Senate vacancies in the coming months and at that time may replace Mulroney-era Senate leader Marjorie LeBreton with Doug Finley, which would not only bring the amiable one-malt kilt-man into Cabinet, but would also create the first husband-wife Cabinet tandem in the history of Canada. Raise a finger or two of 25-year-old GlenDronach to that ! Developing ..