Ezra's Apology, An Early Draft

Yesterday afternoon, we learned

Brian Mulroney called Liberals to say Sun Media will apologize tomorrow for offensive rant by @ezralevant vs @JustinTrudeau. #cdnpoli
— Robert Fife (@RobertFife) September 28, 2014

Today it was announced that Ezra himself would present the apology.  And I was able to secure a first draft of this document from one of my informants inside Sun News.  I have reproduced it below:

Dear Justin,

I know I've acted badly.  I've said things about your mom and dad that would've earned me a well-deserved punch in the mouth from a less finely bred man.  And I'm sorry for that.  But, Justin, there's something I have to get off my chest before I go any further.  

I love you, Justin.  I have for a long time now.  Since you first became an MP and I was back in Calgary defending The West from your dad's policies.  I saw you on on TV and I said to myself I'm gonna make that future liberal prime minister my number one.  

And I've tried, and tried.  Good Lord I've tried.  But you won't talk to me, you won't even look at me, and its made me crazy.   And when I get crazy, you know me, I talk crazy.  And when I talk crazy, the nations various regulatory agencies starting looking at my bosses like they might pull the plug on STV any minute.  And things get all messed up.  

But I'm done, Justin.  I'm done.  I won't follow you around anymore, if you say the word.  I've sent you a box of chocolates with a note saying how sorry I am, and a big bouquet of roses...the biggest I could find!  But you don't have to eat those chocolates, you don't have to read that note; you can through those roses in the dumpster, if you like.

But let me just say that a better man has not been created on this  Earth, Justin.  You are like an archangel, who has flown too low and broken his wings.  I do and will always worship the ground on which you walk. I would kill and die for you, Justin.

Ezra Levant

I imagine they'll be a few changes made to it before air time.