Thursday, April 02, 2015

BCLSB Exclusive: James Lunney's Principles Of Evolution

CPC MP James Lunney has quit the party so as to more freely pursue and elaborate his own theory of biological change.  He spoke in the HOC yesterday afternoon, but was rudely cut off before he could fully state his beliefs.  However, an opposition "source" found the full text of his presentation in a trash-can outside the East wing.   I have reproduced some excerpts below:

The question is not: did Jesus ride a dinosaur?  The question is: what kind of dinosaur did Jesus ride? Reasonable men may differ, but I lean towards Carcharodontosaurus.  It was hardy and even-tempered.  Also damn fine eatin'.


The wheel of Ezekial was in fact a UFO, which brought the dinosaurs to Earth, including Stegron and Barney. Also, Ezekial was  called "Easy" by his friends.  Not many people know this.


The Id forms the very ground for the SuperEgo, always and everywhere permeating the structure of it.  Oops.  That's Freud.  Wrong theory.


There is no theory of evolution.  There are only the animals that Chuck Norris has allowed to survive.


The lower back supports the spinal column and brain-case.  It also supports the chiropractor.  But I am rambling now.


When the End Times come, and they are coming, those who scoff will find themselves swept into a lake of burning fire, while believers ascend to Heaven and a life of infinite happiness.  Personally, I look forward to playing ping-pong with Jimi Hendrix.

So there you have it.  Our government appears to have lost a thinker of the highest order.


jrkrideau said...

Christians under attack in Canada?

With a Christian Zionist PM and a bunch of religious fanatics (and I don't mean fanatical Buddists or Muslims) in Cabinet.

I think the Member is living in some alternative universe or, worse, has been listening to some of the dross from US fundie preachers.

Dana said...

He was offered the choice of stepping away from caucus or being ejected because he violated Rule # 1 and revealed himself. Had he not stepped away he would have been found nailed spread eagle to the wall of his apartment with a detailed note explaining how he had done this himself. The note would be believed and his death declared a suicide. Later it would turn out that Peter Van Loan had been seen with a hammer coming out of Lunney's apartment at the established time of death but the Ottawa Police Service dismissed this as coincidence and there was no follow up. The Ottawa Police Service investigator in charge of the file would later receive an ambassadorship to Tahiti.

sassy said...


You've made my day :)

Dana said...