Galactus, Teabagger Of Worlds: A Guest Post

My experience was appalling. I was dancing and singing and waving my "Obama Sucks" placard, and suddenly this cigar-stinky fat man pushed me to my knees and attempted to stick his balls down..

...well, I shall go no further into it. Needless to say, I disintegrated everything within 150 yards, thus bringing that pathetic human protest to its untimely doom.

As for me, I still feel traumatized, and may seek counselling.

Am I interested in organizing? Yes, in the sense that I would hunt down every pathetic human behind these grotesque spectacles and feed them to Zzzinthian blood worms. I hear that prick Gingrich had something to do with it. Him, I shall disintegrate slowly.

Galactus, over and out.

Gingrich, Galactus And Chuck Norris...Together At Last

The latest brainchild of Newt Gingrich is "American Solutions", a:

...unique non-partisan organization designed to rise above traditional gridlocked partisanship, to provide real, significant solutions to the most important issues facing our country.

Basically, they want Congress to allow drilling in Alaska, off California, and so forth.

Anyway, my buddy (who signed their "Drill Here Drill Now" online petition) got another email from them this morning:

Dear Galactus,

As gas prices are at an all-time high, the American people are demanding that Congress take action to drill here and drill now. More than 650,000 Americans have signed the "Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less" petition, and that number keeps growing rapidly each day.
[...]

We're excited to announce today that Chuck Norris is supporting our "Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less" campaign. Watch him talk about it in this new YouTube video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=JnVVkCsw41c.

Hell, why stop at Alaska? With Galactus and Chuck Norris both onside I bet they could convince Congress to let 'em go to Mt. Rushmore and drill for oil through Abe Lincoln's head. Because Galactus could disintegrate all of Washington with a wave of the hand, and lets face it, you don't fuck with Chuck.

On Pranking Newt Gingrich

Newt's latest brainchild is "American Solutions", a

...unique non-partisan organization designed to rise above traditional gridlocked partisanship, to provide real, significant solutions to the most important issues facing our country.

And one of American Solutions latest projects is the "Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less" on-line petition, which asks that the U.S. government

...act immediately to lower gasoline prices by authorizing the exploration of proven energy reserves to reduce our dependence on foreign energy sources from unstable countries.

Drill in Alaska and "off America's coasts", in other words. As of this moment, the petition has collected 305,781 signatures.

Now, as you many know, I have a conflicted relationship with petitions. However, I do have a friend who is not above such things. I told him about this one, and last night my friend received the following email from American Solutions Executive Director Dave Ryan:

Dear Galactus,

The Boxer-Warner-Lieberman Gas Tax Hike bill is being debated in the Senate.

If adopted, this bill will lead to an increase in gas prices by as much as $3.00 per gallon in the next two decades.

Call the Senate switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and urge your Senators to vote against the Boxer-Warner-Lieberman Gas Tax Hike. Tell them that gas prices are high enough and we need real solutions, not more taxes.

Well, the big G, Eater Of Worlds, read this and he's pissed! He's flown off to Washington, not only to "urge" his Senators to vote against Boxer-Warner-Lieberman, but to disintegrate them down to their constituent molecules if they cast a Yea vote! Go G!

Fuck The Polar Bears!!