Whose Santa's Daddy?

I don't know whether the explanation for this makes the graphic seem more or less weird, but I like it.

Santa = Sasquatch

Okay, so I said I wasn't going to post anymore before Xmas. But Loren has a terrific post on the connection between Santa Claus and the Snömannen, Yeti-like creatures believed to inhabit the remote areas of the forest of Lapland:

Old stories of the Wildpeople and Snowmen (Snömannen) are interwoven into those of Santa Claus. The traditional “Wildman of the Middle Ages” was described as a bestial, ape-like creature, with a beard. Its body was covered in thick, matted hair and smelled of a foul odor. The habitat of the wildman was the northern woods, where he lived in a cave or den. His traditional beast of burden was the reindeer. The Wildman shares all these traits with the hairy hominoids we know so well.

Santa Strikes Back: Claims He's Tired Of "Little Punks"

From CTV:

There was absolutely nothing Ho Ho Ho about the letters Rosalyn Da Costa's children got from Santa yesterday.

In fact, they included filthy messages.

They are two of 10, inappropriate letters dropped in mailboxes across Ottawa in the last two days, but there could be more.

Yesterday, Canada Post shut down its Write To Santa program across the city while it joins Ottawa police to hunt down the "rogue elf."

It was no rogue elf, though, but the fat guy himself, who sent an exclusive statement via e-mail to this citizen journalist.

"Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em all!" wrote a clearly agitated St. Nick. "Buncha greasy assed little shits with green hair and rings through their nose! The whole damn lot of them are getting nothing but coal! Not in the stockings either but POINK! Right off the ole beezer!

"And what is it with the crap they're calling music these days. Rap fucking metal??? Bull fucking shit!!! And EMO? What the fuck is EMO??? Go whine me a river, kid!!! Anyone expecting an Ipod this Xmas is gonna get it jammed straight up their ass!"

Santa also claimed that the new U.N. directive to "shape up and slim down" had totally ruined the experience.

"I came up to the pole to get away from all that PC crapola. Even up here, though, Mrs. Claus won't let me smoke within 100 yards of the elves, and now I'm being told to lay off the pizza puffs! Suck Santa's big white walking stick, is what I say! Next thing they'll make it illegal to piss dirty messages in the snow!!!"

When informed that Florida stores were selling Santa Claus Hates You t-shirts, our man responded with a sincere sounding:

HO! HO! HO!

Santa Gets His

"MISSOULA, Mont. - A college student accused of shoving a pumpkin pie into the face of a shopping-mall Santa Claus has been charged with misdemeanour assault.

Clint Westwood, 22, said he 'lightly smooshed' the pie into the man's face Wednesday and shouted, 'What do you think of that, Santa?' "

A note to readers, I'll be starting the 2nd edition of my own personal War Against Xmas over the next couple of weeks. Upcoming posts may include:

Santa Claus and the Gay Agenda
Santa Claus And The Collapse of the Subprime Mortgage Market
Santa Claus: Cannibal Killer?

Stay tuned.