Gay Marriage and the Straight White Boy

Up in Canada, not only can you nail pretty much anything that walks on two legs, now you can marry it too. And though we temporarily have a government of drunken rednecks in power, Gay Marriage (or G-Mar for short) will almost certainly remain Law for the foreseeable future. How has Canada managed this amazing feat of progressiveness, and why on the other hand has the concept run into such a buzz-saw of resistance in the United States?

My gut instinct tells me that the Gay and, more generally, Progressive community has been lax in their courting of Straight White Boys. Straight White Boys (or SWBs for short) are, literally, the White Knights in any skirmish in the Culture Wars; get them on-side and you win. But how is this to be accomplished in the case of Gay Marriage?

Based on the Canadian experience, I believe that the key lies in convincing Straight White Boys that being pro Gay Marriage does not only not make you Gay, it doesn't make you sensitive either. I would therefore advocate that some of the PC restrictions placed on work-place humor re. Queer Jokes be lifted. Specifically, the telling of Queer Jokes should be considered a right and privilege of any pro G-Mar SWB. And I'm not talking about the relatively tame BrokeBack Mountain variety of joke either. I'm saying that any White Boy who supports G-Mar should be allowed to make free with as many jokes concerning Cornhoolio and his bleeding butt as they can think of in a 24 hour day. Remember, as a Gay/Progressive, you owe them. It might also help if you baked them cookies every once in awhile. Many, many SWBs like cookies, and apparently you like baking 'em.

(The same logic applies with respect to SWBs and women, incidentally. Mississippi and South Dakota have recently passed legislation banning almost all abortions, which will trigger a SCOTUS showdown over Roe vs. Wade within the next couple of years. As the war heats up, our feminist sisters will need courageous SWBs on hand to disarm nail bombs and catch bullets for them outside clinics all over this great nation, and it should be made clear to them that displays of this kind of heroism require constant sexual servicing. In fact, if you are a SWB and can't get yourself laid by a feminist over the course of the next couple of years, then there's nothing even BigCityLib can do to help. Try breathmints, and maybe a haircut).


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