The following is a transcript of secretly taped phone conversation between Ex-CBCer Evan Solomon and one of the art collecting guys he was doing deals with. Gives an exclusive look at the whole "high-end" art community and the shit they get up to.
ES: This one here is a Jan Weenix, from the Dutch Golden Age. "Still Life With Dead Parrot", they call it. Note the bright colours. Almost to Group of 7 levels, and they claim the bird stands for Jesus. Whatcha say? Guy's contemporary with Rembrandt, but Rembrandt commands major scratch. This I can get you for 20 large, with a 5% off if you buy a second Weenix, maybe "Still Life With Dead Snake".
JB: It's a bit dark for my pool room; do you have something that will go with puce?
ES: I can get a version of it where the parrot is yellow.
JB: Fair enough. And...do I get points?
ES: Bring your card and we can swipe it on delivery.
JB: OK. What else you got?
ES: Looted Aztec death masque. From wherever it was they were from. $2,000 apiece, 6 for 10 cubed. Hang 'em in places you don't want the wife to go.
JB: I need to look. Send me a .jpg.
ES: See attachment.
JB: Oh yuck. Reminds me too much of The War Pig.
JB: My sister-in-law. No thanks. Anything else?
ES: Folk crafts from the Ukraine. A plinkerino.
JB: Of fuck one of their ancient 3 string guitars? Sounds like a busted Uke? No chance.
ES: Well, I got nothing.
JB: We're done then.