Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Rating The Blogging Tories

Yesterday, I wrote about this site, where you can rate blogs and other webpages as though they were movies. So, for example, BCLSB gets an "R" based on my use of "ass" and "pussy", among other naughty-naughties.

So I'm patrolling the Blogging Tories site and I start wondering how these guys would stack up, and I began running their blogs through the Mingle2 rating system. And I must say that I was appalled!...no...APPALLED!!!! but what I discovered.

Perhaps least surprising was the number of total G-rated lamers on the right side of the political spectrum . It is, frankly, like wandering around in Disney-Land, except in Disney-Land the gays have all come out of the closet.

For example, Janke gets his dweeb friendly label by failing entirely to mention boobies or sexual parts of any kind. Porn it up, Stevie boy, porn it up! And how angry can you be if you don't drop the occasional f-bomb? Drop me a line and I'll even email you the correct spelling!

Less unusual is the fact that Greg Staples earned a G-rating. He's the one we call the "nice Conservative". In fact the only surprise is that he appears to have employed the term "shit" on one occasion. Probably spilled something on his tie.

Now here's a bit of a shocker. Kate only swings a PG- 13 rating. But I suppose you could say that this is a deliberate attempt on her part to spread Evil without attracting alot of negative attention.

On the other hand, the beer soaked dude from Dust My Broom is speaking a language I understand. One of the very few Canadians of native extraction crazy enough to lean Conservative (kind of like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders), his "R" seems to have been earned more for Violence than Sex, although apparently he's used both "assholes" and "knife" together on several occasions, so maybe he's just a little more imaginative than I am.

And now the good part. Whom among the Blogging Tories is willing to truly wallow in the filth and go for the coveted NC-17? Who, in short, are the dirtiest Tories:

Flanders at SoCon or Bust gets tagged with an NC-17 based on the occurrence of the following:

breast (16x)
sex (7x)
death (3x)
hurt (2x)
gun (1x)

Yo Flanders, see a shrink. I can recommend a good one if you like.

I always suspected that, beneath Suzanne's pious exterior, their lurked a kitten with a whip. From this:

sex (3x)
drugs (1x)

...one can only assume that somewhere on Big Blue Wave is a story about a (Catholic?) girl who does drugs and has sex with 3 men. I haven't found it yet, but you know how I'll be spending my weekend.

So there you have it. The BTs are just like us, except maybe even a little more potty-mouthed.


Dante said...

Dust my broom is a great blog. Darcy is genuine and I have on more than one occasion shot my drink out through my nose laughing.

Anonymous said...

What the hell is wrong with 'gun'?

DARCEY said...

Thanks BC, that was pretty funny

Ti-Guy said...

Darcy is genuine and I have on more than one occasion shot my drink out through my nose laughing.

Having grown up in Northern Ontario, I've had enough authentic experiences of the gin-soaked misogynist homophobe who doesn't pass out before he takes himself seriously to last me a lifetime.

How's that for genuine?

saskboy said...

Naturally I got a G since I don't much go in for the potty mouth, but I do talk about safe sex or breastfeeding now and then.

Ti-Guy said...

I thought you'd get nailed on "Regina," Saskboy.

jj said...

"Yo Flanders, see a shrink." Too late. But at least he can serve as a Horrible Warning to others who might stray down the fundie path...

JimBobby said...

Whooee! I'm R-rated.
ass (5x)
shit (2x)
queer (1x)


Darren McEwen said...

I think it's lame that the site rates "gay" as an adult word.

Maybe a Blogging Tory made the site.

bigcitylib said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bigcitylib said...


I was wondering about you. I didn't think they'd pick up on the accent.

Olaf said...


I got an NC-17, eat that. It was mostly because I used the word "hell" so often. Weird it doesn't calculate the uses of "fuck" or derivations there of, because I'd be riding high then. Oh... how high I'd be riding.

bigcitylib said...


I know that. You almost made my list, but I put down your indiscretions to youthful exuberance.

Olaf said...


I know that. You almost made my list, but I put down your indiscretions to youthful exuberance.

I can't think of any other explanation. Damned my exuberance!

Dante said...


I read your comment to mean that you're outing yourself (how did you know they were homophones and what do you mean about "genuine experience").
You a fudge packer? (just trying to help your rating BCL)

Ti-Guy said...

Laurasecord.ca: "XXX"
fudge: 10x
packing: 4x
dark chocolate: 3x

Anonymous said...

How about I just rate your blog with one word.


Alison said...

Dante : Homophone does knot mien watt ewe think it miens. Pleas get yore storey strait.

Ti-Guy said...

I thought Dante was just being "hilarious."

Michael Holloway said...

Great Post!

Best comment EVER...

Ti-Guy said...

I thought you'd get nailed on "Regina," Saskboy.
5:22 PM

Anonymous said...

TangoJuliette sez:

Actually, anyone of aboriginal descent, running with the lib tribe, could feel quite at home flogging FBI-friendly souvenirs at Wounded Knee, and other places like that...

Typical of a Lib toady, drawing nasty comparisons between First Nations people and "chickens" at KFC. You wouldn't also be trying to imply that Conservatives are like the crooked Libs, cannibalizing the Aboriginals?

Moronic mental midget Dweb wannabe.

The Libs are the theiving cheats most responsible for the apartheid reservations and Residential Schools SNAFUs.

Feeble attempt at mis-direction on your part my wee bufoon.