Friday, May 13, 2022

Public Drinkin': T.O. Is Poised To Create Heaven On Earth, But Do I Approve?

Next summer T.O. plans to let you drink publicly, or at least in parks and on beaches.   So far so awesome, but I have questions.  For example, does the parking lot in front of Walmart count as a public park?  If not, what is the point of the legislation?  That's where the LCs and the beer-stores are to start with.  And what is the definition of "a glass"?  As far as I'm concerned a bottle in a bag is a glass with a slightly unorthodox shape and permanent storage capabilities (ie. the cap, until you drop it or throw it away).  Again, we are left awaiting details.  

The city further notes that any site cleared for public consumption of alcohol will need bathroom facilities; luckily, in Scarborough, that can mean some trees behind a gas station.

In related news, T.O. also plans to have extra security in the parks starting this summer, so homeless folk won't gather around their campfires to tell stories, sing songs, and pitch tents for shelter. When the new public drinking laws come into effect this is going to cause conflict.  For who can tell the difference between sleeping homeless and some gentlemen sipping whiskey in the bush next to Gold's Gym who grew weary and were cuddling for warmth?  Not everyone carries the deed to their property with them everywhere, and yet under certain interpretations of the new by-law, this second group is OK because they are landowners.  Maybe the city could design some kind of app thing so when the park cops show up you can flash them a certified scan of your land titles records.  

Also, maybe these new park cops could be issued cork-screws for emergencies.  Some of us fancy types drink wine; not all the bottles come with twist-off tops..