Dear Tim Hortons: It's Not Your Lids That Are The Problem

...but what's in the cup.  Your coffee is too patriotic, and not near gay enough.  I refuse to drink it. Every double-double is as though I am casting a vote for a regressive, far-right government.  It is also on the markedly bitter side.  Your Mr. Hansen will discover all this when he leaves Calgary and finds that there are other brands, like Satanbucks, or Coffee Crime, where the servers are always friendly and the pan-handlers doff their hats in respect as they block your path to the men's room and lunge for your wallet.  It will strike him with the force of a revelation, just as the sight of his first two-way street will strike him: can such things truly be?