Wednesday, April 09, 2014

The Top 5 Reasons Soccerworld Is Nothing Like Rob Ford

So T.O. mayoral candidate Rob Ford is giving a presser at Soccerworld today.  But somebody there is not a fan:

Now, if you click through the link you will see that Soccerworld has disappeared the original post.

They didn't erease the Google Cache version, however.  It can still be found here.  And, for your reading pleasure, an excerpt:

So, here’s the top 5 reasons Soccerworld is nothing like Rob Ford…

We love exercise:
At Soccerworld, we’re all about getting together with friends and enjoying some exercise. At city hall, Rob Ford is all about getting together with shady individuals to smash crack rocks. To each his own.

We’re reliable:
At Soccerworld, we consistently strive to deliver the best customer experience possible. At City Hall, Rob Ford tramples elderly women while reminding the world that he is extremely satisfied on the home front. Different strokes for different folks.

We like the people in our office:
At Soccerworld, we enjoy having people come to our facility to play and watch soccer games. At City Hall, Rob Ford wants all the major media outlets to jump off a bridge and disappear. If only they knew how to ask the right questions…

We don’t defy science like Rob Ford:
Rob Ford has done a lot of crazy things recently, but there’s one thing that is truly shocking - and it defies the laws of science. Rob Ford is over-weight…and he smokes crack. That doesn’t happen! I defy you to find another human who fits that criteria. As a gesture of goodwill, Rob Ford needs to submit his body to science when he dies. It may or may not contain the answers to all of life’s mysteries.

You knew it was coming… we don’t smoke crack:
Seriously, we don’t. This isn’t a situation where we’ll deny it repeatedly and then admit to it in five months. Grab a beer? Sure. Glass of wine? Why not. Hit the crack pipe? Too much… way, way too much.

Honestly, we like to party as much as the next guy, but this is ridiculous. The city of Toronto is an eight billion dollar a year company. How can someone run a business of this magnitude while smoking crack? Crack smokers can’t hold onto the most basic of jobs. Why? Because they are too busy eating chocolate and looking for more crack. When you smoke crack, it’s priority A, B, and C (so we’ve heard). Yet somehow Rob Ford has risen to prominence in Canada’s most populated city. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s kind of impressive.

Earlier we mentioned that Rob Ford defies science. We have now come to realize that Rob Ford also defies social science.

Take a bow Mayor Ford, you are truly one of a kind.

1 comment:

deb said...

lololollll yes indeedy.