Friday, March 10, 2006

Belinda Speaks

New Democrats requested Friday that an ethics investigation into David Emerson's jump to the Conservative cabinet just days after being elected as a Liberal should be expanded to include Belinda Stronach's Tory-Liberal leap of last May. The full story is here: - NDP wants Stronach switch also probed

This is a wonderful opportunity for the Libs if they play it right. The party, and Belinda herself, should step forward and say they will cooperate with the ethics investigation to the fullest extent, and then see if Stephen Harper wants to maintain his his role as Angry White Man.

In fact, in my mind I see Belinda Stronach (pictured above left at her hottest) addressing the national media on this issue. She steps up to the microphone:

"Ladies and gentlemen, let me make clear right now that I want Bernard Shapiro to investigate me, thoroughly, Bernie baby, over my old, party hopping days.

You know where to find me, Bernie. Come make me tell you the truth. And Stephen, baby, and Petey, sweet baby, why don't you come get some too? I'll tell all if you will.

Because I'm not afraid. Because it isn't about ethics and crossing the floor and C-251, is it fellas? It's about me! You want my naked ass on a platter!

Because I was your rich city girl, wasn't I? I was your blonde armpiece, there to show the world that you'd made it Big in Ottawa. You paraded me around so people would think you were the leader of the Free World, and I was supposed to smile and keep my mouth shut the whole time.

But, d'you know what, Stevey Baby, your friends are all pigs. Dirty old white men, and all they wanted to do was fondle me, drool over me, and tell me about their weird theories: that when babies die Jesus cries, that man walked with the dinosaurs, that the metric system has just gotta be repealed. I got so sick of it all.

And Petey, you just weren't tough enough to keep the weirdos away from me. I pled with you over and over again, but you just kept telling that boys will be boys, and to keep my mouth shut.
Well, Stephen Harper and Peter MacKay, those days are over. You just weren't Man enough for Belinda Stronach.

So now I've found a new gang to run with. The fellas are kooky and sexy and funny, tough and yet vulnerable, and the women can all take care of themselves. They're a bit easy with the money, sure, but they're good at heart and rule this country with the gentle hand of a man who knows his horse.

Anyway, sweety-pies, the game is this. Lets naked with the truth together and explore our ethical parts. Lets see if Stevey's cave man friends in the red-neck media can keep it in their pants for the next couple of weeks. Let's see if Michael Coren doesn't sound as bitchy as Cujo, talking about my hair and my ass and what a barby doll I am. Lets see if anyone at the whole of Sun Media can lay off the blonde jokes, or the prostitution jokes.

I bet at the end of the day I'll come out of this looking better than you fellas."

Belinda exits. Later, Stephen Harper appears with his eyes bugging out, calls her a lesbian, and insinuates that anyone who has ever criticized him is perhaps a lesbian as well.

And after that some guy that looks like the 20th hijacker (pictured left) shows up claiming, what?, it's hard to say through the accent, but maybe that Belinda or someone personally bombed his village back in the old country.

And the whole Tory disaster unfolds into another day. Can a government forfeit if they realize they're not ready for prime time?

1 comment:

Polunatic said...

The only problem is that Stronach was RE-ELECTED. Case closed. The NDP are now second-guessing the voters which shows how off-base they're become.

They should stay focussed on Harper's contempt of Parliament by refusing to co-operate with Shapiro (again).

NDP playing politics with ethics