Friday, May 25, 2007

News You Can Abuse

Look out Natty Post; look out, Mop and Pail. Your competition has arrived. There's a new national (on-line newspaper) in town. It's called The Canadian and it boasts of being both "socially progressive" and "cross cultural".

This week's lead story is "Roman Catholic Church Vatican Insider leaks Information about an Extraterrestrial Presence", which details

... inside information about a clandestine meeting in 1954 at California’s Muroc Air Force Base (later named Edwards AFB) involving President Dwight D. Eisenhower, Los Angeles Bishop James Francis McIntyre and an extraterrestrial delegation.

Other ground-breaking stories include "Ancient Gnostic disciples of Jesus reveal reasons for Extraterrestrial Denial in Western society", an analysis of why mainstream science continues to deny "the historical and on-going existence of Extraterrestrial contact with human beings on Earth"; a discussion of the NDP's capitulation to "transnational union interests"; news of a software program that helps you to seduce women (I've already ordered my copy); a profile of
U.F.O expert and once-Deputy Prime Minister Paul Hellyer (do you see a theme emerging?); an item on how the Tory spin machine has played the PM's Afghanistan visit; predictions of global climate catastrophe by a guy who submitted his dissertation to Tony Blair (Tony Blair liked it!); and "Home buying tips for homebuyers".

This is surely the news as BigCityLib would tell it, and The Canadian will definitely become one of the regular stops on my daily walk through the on-line media world. In fact, I'm not sure it will be necessary to read another newspaper, ever again.


Anonymous said...

It still have slightly more credibility than the National Compost.

Anonymous said...

*have* = *has*.

Anonymous said...

speaking of aliens . here's proof they are the cause of global warming / climate change / eco disaster / Dr. Fruit Fly + The Goreacle fueled hysteria etc. et al.

Anonymous said...

Warming Man (a poem)

Tim Schieferecke

Warming Man, Warming Man, spins disaster like no one can.
Tells a tale, supersized, scares our kids with his lies.
Beware! Here comes the Warming Man!

Why's he lie? Listen Bud, he's a failed presidential dud.
He could use major meds, judging from some things he's said.
Watch out! Here comes the Warming Man!

When he speaks, chills come down, cold air follows him around.
At every show, every town, our Good Lord likes to taunt this clown!
Achtung! In rolls the Warming Man!

Warming Man, Warming Man, wacko Chicken Little Warming Man,
Common sense, he ignores, for relevance, he implores.
Watch out! Here comes the Warming Man!

To him, he's a Gaia hero, for US, he's much more like old King Nero!
Stay clear! Here comes the Warming Man!!!

(with apologies to Spider Man)

Tim Schieferecke

Anonymous said...

Contributing editors Michael Moore, Rose O'Donnell, Tin Foil Hat guy, the Lone Gunmen, 9/11 Truthers, alien abductees, etc.

Looks like it will take readership from the Toronto Star.

Ti-Guy said...

Man, that "Warming Man" thing was embarrassing. When oh when is Kansas going to get public schools? Can't we get some bleeding-heart moonbat to do something about that?