Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Changes At The National Post

Dear Reader:

You will notice a some changes to your print edition of the National Post beginning today.

The paper, already a three-section product in most of the country from Monday to Friday, will follow much the same format in Toronto. As a result, the Sports and Arts & Life sections will be merged.

In all editions, Sports, with our dynamic mix of columnists including Bruce Arthur, Cam Cole, Sean Fitz-Gerald and Mike Traikos, will front the section Monday to Thursday.  On other days however, Mr. Arthur will be forced to play theater critic, though he frankly can't stand anything on screen or stage that doesn't include kung-fu fighting.  Cam Cole will  take up the role of travel columnist, and may travel as far as the bus can take him.  He can also lie about places he's been too, if he wants.  We don't give a shit.  As long as the result is 500 words and we're not out the price of a plane ticket.  As for Sean Fitz-Gerald, he'll see double duty in our homes and garden section, spend the rest of his days writing about bathroom tiles.  The fucker.  And  that prick Traikos gets stuck with the obits.

Why?  Because we can.  Because these clowns NEED the work  Because they know if they give back a word of lip they're down the road for good. Because the only good thing about being captain of a sinking ship is you get to throw everyone else overboard first.  Because we hate our jobs and our lives and want our employees to feel the same, so they quit before we have to fire them and give them packages.

We hope you continue to buy and read the National Post.  In fact, we get down on our knees and beg you too. We're just this fucking close to the edge, and our kids all need braces.  Who will pay for them if Daddy is out on the street?

The Publishers
National Post

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